Recently I was asked to tell my "story" to a group of relative strangers. There were a few friends in the group, but mostly folks were just hearing my tale of "woe" to "glow" for the first time.
I laughed and giggled as I shared instances of wanting to drive my compact car into a freeway abutment; the only thing keeping me from completing the task was fear of not finishing the job. I slapped my knee with glee as I retold stories of drunken debauchery, cow-tipping attempts and petty thievery. I chuckled at the loneliness, despair, and the misery of living without God, without hope and without joy.
What's hilarious about living a desperate, ridiculous cry-for-help kind of life? Really, absolutely nothing, because by the world's standards (and quite frankly, my own), I was a complete failure. While my college friends were graduating and going on to graduate school, getting married and moving on, I was stuck in the muck, sold on the "mold", on a one-way flight to nowhere. Ha!! My life amounted to nada. I was less than zero.
But here's the good news and that's why I'm laughing and chuckling and giggling, even now!! God took my pile of rubble, my mess, my distress, my less-than-blessed life and turned it around for His glory!! How, you ask? When I cried out to Him, He answered. When I begged Him for help, He showed up. Yes, it's that simple.
"God help me!!!!" I was on my knees, in the bedroom--morally, spiritually, and financially bankrupt, on the floor, sobbing, no hope, and He answered.
The answer came through a friend. A friend who answered the phone when I called, crying and hysterical.
She brought me lunch (who does that??), some tapes (Prison to Praise www.foundationofpraise.org and Joyce Meyer www.joycemeyer.org) and hope. There was something different about her and I asked her about it. She said that she went to church.
CHURCH.
I had been to church before, but the churches that I had attended were a little, how can I say this politely...Free Willy. Anything goes. Do what you want. It's all good. Nothing stuck for me in those places. I had searched for God for years, but up until then I hadn't found Him.
I listened to the Prison to Praise tapes (which, in essence, were about praising God for all things, based on 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus) and by the time I had listened, I literally felt the Holy Spirit directing me to go to church.
Her church.
And I wanted to go NOW.
I knew nothing about this place prior to pulling up in the parking lot. I had no idea that it was an amazing, Holy Spirit-filled, Bible-teaching, beautiful church in Rancho Cordova, California. Felt like I was walking into Heaven. The choir sang, the ushers welcomed me, and even the air inside was clearer, crisper and brighter.
As soul sick as I was, I knew that I had found what I was looking for.
Don't get me wrong, it took time for me to fully accept the Lordship of Jesus Christ. At first, I just
sensed that whatever was going on there was real and that I wanted a part of it. Every time there was an altar call (and there was at each service), I was there. Repentance was my middle name.
Pastor Lovelace (Bishop now) had a way of talking about Jesus in a very down to earth, very accessible way. He would weave in humor (not only is he anointed, but he's Comedy Central HILARIOUS!!), and spoke with truth and compassion in such a way as to have me locked on the pulpit. All of that was perfect and exactly what I needed to stay glued to my seat so that God could begin to heal me, one service at a time.
One of the first things that I noticed after accepting Jesus' call to love me was that I felt clean from the inside out. Weird, funky thoughts left me. I was no longer controlled by despair. Hope and joy and laughter replaced my depression and suicidal thoughts. There was a ton of work to be done in my thought life as well as in every other part of my life, but the work had begun.
I was on my way.
So here it is, years later, and my life has radically changed. I've studied the Bible, prayed, attended church, and have cried out to God numerous times over the past 15 years. I know who I am in Christ (more on that later), and I know that Jesus is Lord. He runs my show, finally. (Unless, of course, I get in the way, which I do from time to time. We all do that, we're human. And it's OK. We can get back on track at any time.)
He has blessed me and my family in tremendous ways. One of the biggest blessings is peace.
And joy.
And laughter.
Even as I speak of how spiritually lost I used to be.
God has taken the failure and has turned it around for His glory. For that, I will be forever grateful and you'll excuse me while I shout it from the mountaintops (and the cul de sacs). There are too many people suffering in silence not to.
Say out loud, based on Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)
"...My weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning."
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